Get Up Offa That Slump Blogging Extravaganza is hosted by Rachel at Beauty and the Bookshelf.
Rachel actually gave us two choices. It’s either we review a book we don’t like or gush about our favorite book. Shame that I couldn’t do the other one. I already gushed out about The Perks of Being A Wallflower way before when I was just starting out here in the blogosphere.
Well, I guess it will lead to this one way or another. Do not fear though, my co-bloggers and readers. I will not blatantly point out what book I am pertaining to. So I made a letter to the main character instead. I will still go with the regular format of a review that I usually do. Except without the before and after reading part. Do note that I posted a Fangirl Issue about using the word “hate”. But for this book, it deserves it. I also know that other people loved this book to bits so I really tried to stay discreet as much as possible. If you think that I am pertaining to the book you like, think again. How many in that genre sounds like the book I’m pertaining to. And sorry, in advance. I really don’t want to offend anyone. Also, this might sound like a parody and mad libs all at the same time. Teehee. You have been warned.
Title: A popular YA book
Author: A popular YA author
Genre: Young Adult, Dystopian, Romance
Year Released: Secret.
Series: *blank**blank* #1 out of 3
Publisher: A big one
Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
Synopsis: *Blah* is a *kaloohah* that is a *plah* that cannot *hoo-hah* with a *doo-dah*. *Blah* cannot even because she is a *plah*. Scared shitless, *Blah* is isolated and left alone in a *koo-hah*. Then *Blah* meets a *Loo-dah* and it changes *Blah*’s life changes forever. Can *Blah* use her *doo-dah* to change her *boo-dah*?
I hate you. And I hate your guts. You are so frustrating. We have this thing called common sense. I know you’re not stupid. And I know that you’re smart. I read that part of the book where you went to school. Just because you’re a *plah* that cannot *hoo-hah* with a *doo-dah*, does not mean that you’re all but limitless. Granted, being the only *kaloohah* in a *koo-hah* can make a person *moo-lah*. But still, you’re an educated person. You should have not fallen for their Jedi mind tricks. You must know that it’s all just a plan for you to fully embrace your being a *kaloohah* with a *doo-dah*. It’s all about control. But why can’t you see that?
Take this: You’re like a certain character; but unlike that certain character, you chose to follow your naive self that cannot be trusted to make decisions with that kind of *hoo-hah*. You’re ridiculous and the first time a *Loo-dah* makes a googly eye connection with you, you loose your shit. Get it together. That is why I am not touching a book with you in it ever again. Because I know that it ends so badly that I might have to kill someone because you irritate me so much.
You’re the reason why I don’t trust books with female leads. I want to stay away from a character like you. You’re not an inspirational character; you’re an easy to manipulate *plah*. For one, you *moo-lah* with other people’s state for no good reason. You’re ignorant and selfish. And I’m glad when that part where someone actually sat you down for a “real talk” to tell you that they hate your *koo-hah* as well. But I know that none of that ever got into your head because you still made the wrong f*cking decisions. I rue the day that girls will look up to you and say: “Hey, let’s be like *Blah* and let’s marry the *Loo-dah* who wants to *moo-lah* us for a ridiculous reason. “
For the author,
I don’t hate you. Quite in fact, you’re the reason I gave this book a 3 out of 5 stars. I hope to read more of your works in the future. For now, I just want to burn your trilogy to the ground. I love you, but damn, your characters lack development.
Recommendation: This book is crap. I hate it. Why would anyone want a book that would only make other people use it as wood for fire?
Oh gosh that felt so good. At least all the hate finally got out of my system. Now, have you ever felt like this? How did you deal with it? Leave on the comments below.